The Importance of Community: In the Midst of Grief

Editor’s Note: This article was originally shared by Kyrie Zimmerman at a RM: Local Gathering on September 10, 2019

Three. That’s the number of children I’ve held in my heart or in my arms and had to say goodbye to.  The first was my son, taken directly from my womb to heaven.  The next was a private adoption that didn’t go as I, or the baby’s birth mother had hoped.  The third was a spunky toddler who fit easily into our family the minute Children & Youth placed her in our home.

Trials, trauma, hurt, sadness, grief. Whatever you call it or whatever you’ve been through I know you didn’t choose it.  We don’t set out seeking the painful things in life.  Those things either creep into our lives or come at us with a swiftness that can’t ever be accurately conveyed.  The void in your heart.  The physical pain you feel.  The thought that the depth of your breaths may never return and that you’ll never be able to see the world in its full splendor again.  Friends, I know that hurt. Our family feels it today as we daily walk through the unknown and face the possibility of that number three turning into a four.  If that happens, our grief will be real, our sadness immeasurable, but our hope will remain.  After a time, the sky will again return to its brilliant blue, the wildflowers will be full of color again and our breaths will be easy.  After a time, we’ll be ready to keep going and share the testimony God will bring from it all.  After a time, the brokenness will be beautiful.  I know this because I’ve seen it before.  I know this because the community we have surrounding us stands with us in our brokenness. They cry with us, they pray with us, they cook for us, they carry us until we are ready to hope again.  We could not do this on our own.

Having strong and meaningful friendships are vital to our lives.  We truly are better together.  I could not live out the callings God has placed on my life without the support of my people – and I wasn’t made to.  David had Jonathan.  Moses had Aaron.  Elisha had Elijah. Paul had Timothy. There’s Naomi and Ruth.  Jesus surrounded himself with a core community and wasn’t afraid to wake them up in the middle of the night to pray for him.  That’s my hope for each of you.  That you find women in this group to wake up in the middle of the night – and that we become the woman who wake up for others.  Think of how differently those stories would have played out if those friendships hadn’t happened.  If Jonathan decided it was too risky to be David’s friend.  If Moses decided he would try to do it all on his own.  Or if Elijah had been too proud to mentor Elisha.  The truth is that although Jesus has already won, trials will still come.  We aren’t at the finish line yet, we’re still in the middle of the race.  Prepare for the trials. Arm yourself with strong friendships. Be vulnerable. Be present. I’m not speaking about small talk and acquaintances.  I’m urging you to dive in and show your past brokenness because if it hasn’t been made beautiful yet you are wasting a chance to showcase God’s glory.  I know it’s not easy.  I recognize how difficult it is to be transparent, to rely on others and let them really see you.  Just between you and me, I’m more of the lone wolf type.  The girl that can do it all herself and doesn’t need or want anyone.  I understand how hard it is to let the walls down that you’ve built up for so long.  But be brave. Be messy. Let God use these women to gently take them down, brick by brick.  Sometimes it’s painful and it’s usually a little scary. But it is so worth it.  You, my friend, are worth it.  To be seen and understood by other people brings a peace and comfort to my life that far outweighs the fear of being truly known.  There is freedom that comes with community. 

So, from one person to anyone else in the middle of uncertainty or grief, the beauty will come. Layer by layer, brick by brick, a little more light will shine through. Revival Moms is more than just a room full of homeschooling mamas.  Look around and you will see the hands and feet of Jesus.  My hope and challenge for us all is that we let the beauty come.

Kyrie Zimmerman

Kyrie is still head-over-heels in love with her husband of over a decade. Together, they homeschool their 3 children and are active foster parents. Kyrie is the founder of Revival Moms, a non profit organization dedicated to building community among home educating mamas. She has a heart to see moms gather, learn + do life together.


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